Just a Dream
by Jade Silver
Summary: SxF A slightly different take on how things happened in the past: Spike feels the need to search for Julia again, but he is beginning to fall for the vivacious Faye Valentine living aboard the Bebop. When both women get into trouble, who will he save?
1. A Weakness

**Disclaimer**: **Cowboy Bebop** is not my property. Nor are **Muse**'s lyrics for **_Hysteria_**.

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**Chapter One**: **_A Weakness_**

_Her hands were covered in blood. She could hear gunshots going off constantly; there were so many men shooting around her. _

_But she was the one covered in blood. _Am I bleeding?

_She looked down at the body, lying in a pool of warm crimson liquid. _Who's corpse?

_Screaming all around her. _

_More collapsing._

_More blood._

_More screaming. _

_A gun fell at her feet. She picked it up, looking around, and instinctively cocked the gun and aimed, ready to shoot at anyone who threatened her. _Who am I shooting at? Who's at my feet?

_She finally looked down. Spike was the corpse. _

No, he isn't, it was someone who looked like him

_Spike was watching her back. "Stay close to me," he said. _

_More guns. More bullets fired. More shooting. Too much shooting._

_She saw a bullet coming towards her heart. Saw it coming, but couldn't move. _

_Darkness_.

* * *

Julia woke up with a start, shaking, drenched in cold sweat. _5:30 AM. Damn it. _She reached for her glass of water on her nightstand, trying to interpret yet another nightmare. It was the third time this week that she'd had this dream – the last time she would ever be with Spike before either of them got killed. She sat up and leaned her elbows on her knees, trying to control her fear.

_Why did I have to put Spike through this? Why did I have to love both of them? _Questions about her past raced through her mind. Teardrops fell from her eyes, but she didn't realize she was crying until she felt them roll off her chin, reminding her of what she once had, and of the reality she lived in now.

_Oh, why did this all have to happen? Why can't I have a happy ending?_ Memories of a distant night with Spike brought some happiness back into her thoughts, but she couldn't help wondering what would have happened if she never met him in the first place.

_But if I never met him, I would have never known what true love felt like. _His embrace was always warm, always protective, always caring. His touch emulated love; his kisses and the way he held her made her forget about all her problems. Julia's heart ached with the familiarity that she might never feel again. The tears flowed freely from her sad eyes now. _It's funny, though . . . he never showed anyone else his emotions. He was always so apathetic._ She held her head in her hands, feeling too weak, recalling what she had gone through to escape both men.

_I wish I had met Spike first. I wish Vicious never came into my life. But then, I would have never met Spike at all. Damn it, I hate how life works this way!_ Vicious and Spike had been blood brothers, having fought together, watching the other's back. After Spike left the Syndicate for good, he seemed like a different man. Julia never got the chance to say goodbye. In fact, she never got a chance to see him before he left. She tried to convince herself that he would come back one day, come back to her in a single piece and make her life all better. That day still hadn't come. Vicious had ordered her to kill Spike, to "shoot him full of bullets." She couldn't bring herself to do it, but she did remember telling him that she would always be waiting at that cemetery for him. But she had left her life, too, for the good of both worlds.

_How long has it been? Two years now? Three? _Julia was haunted on almost every day by disturbing nightmares, of she and Spike meeting on Mars for the final battle with the Syndicate. She always dreamed about it, but she had hopes that Spike would come back to her not as the man she was destined to kill, but as the loving man he once was to her. She decided to go for a walk, even though the sun hadn't risen quite yet. She changed into the clothing she had stripped off last night before going to bed – a black, fitted T-shirt; a pair of tight leather jeans; and her red leather trench coat from her Syndicate days. Grabbing her apartment keys, she walked out the door, hoping that she would be refreshed. But the tears wouldn't stop.

Julia walked outside, inhaling the fresh air. Pushing her blonde hair out of her eyes, she observed the pre-dawn landscape. She finally stopped crying, but on the inside, she still ached. She saw his face, his tall, lanky body strolling down the street, coming towards her. But when she rubbed her eyes, the image was gone. Sighing, she sat down on the steps to think some more. The birds began to chirp; the sun would rise soon. She looked up at the sky, and remembered the time Spike had told her the story about the guardian stars.

"_If I did die, would mine go out too?" _she'd asked.

"_Everyone's stars go out when they die. It's like life renewing itself."_

She never knew him to be so deep, so romantic, until the first night they spent together. Her lower lip quivered slightly, and she hoped that her tears wouldn't fall again. She always thought of herself as a strong woman, but whenever she thought about that man, she felt as if she would fall apart without him.

_I need him, I love him. _The words reverberated in her head until she decided to go back inside. Thoughts of Spike floated through her head continuously; she saw his handsome face in her mind's eye. No matter what she did, she couldn't get him out of her head. He had always made her happy, and this time was no different. She remembered the romance they shared and the time they spent together, and the beginnings of a smile crept upon her face. She needed to think optimistically.

_Spike, I'll find you again one day. There won't be anyone in our way, nothing to run from, no pain that dangles in our lives. We'll be happy. _

She could only hope.

* * *

_And I want you now  
__I want you now  
__I feel my heart implode  
__And I'm breaking out  
__Escaping now  
__Feeling my faith grow old_

"Hysteria" by Muse, _Absolution 2003_


	2. Bring Me To Life

**Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebop**is not my property. Neither are the lyrics of **Evanescence's _Bring Me to Life_.**

**Author's Note: **This chapter is written as a songfic.

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**Chapter Two: Bring Me to Life**

**How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
****Leading you down into my core  
****Where I've become so numb **

"_Look into my eyes; one is different from the other. One sees the past, the other sees the present."_ He remembered the shock and amazement as she reacted to his statement just like yesterday. Spike sighed and got up from his cot, trudging to the common room in the Bebop. He dragged his feet down the hallway, lost in thought, recalling how he locked away his soul the day he left Julia, left his entire life behind. It was the day he died, and the day he was reborn. He was no longer Spike Spiegel, one of the top gunmen of the Red Dragon Syndicate; he was Spike Spiegel, just another bounty hunter.

**Without a soul  
****My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
****Until you find it there and lead it back home **

At that moment, his was reminded of the pain he had kept hidden deep within. He'd been fully apathetic until that moment, keeping himself from breaking down and being as vulnerable as the rest of the world. Spike knew how his crew mates felt about him, knew that they saw him as emotionless, except at the most melancholy of times, when he would actually give an ironic smile or two. Jet knew about Julia, how she made him feel. He knew the loneliness that Spike endured each night, and he was aware of the nightmares and the dreams involving the mysterious woman. Faye never understood why Spike was so depressed until she met Vicious the night she went off to the opera by herself. She didn't know of the underlying situation between Spike and Vicious, and the fight over Julia, but her woman's intuition gave her a suspicion that Spike was tormented by a woman.

Spike finally reached the common room, collapsing onto the old, yellow couch, falling into depression again. _Bounty-hunting is just not enough these days_, he thought, pulling out a crumpled cigarette from the box in his jacket pocket. He sat up slightly to light it, and then lay back again. He couldn't help reminiscing as he puffed on his cigarette.

**CHORUS  
****_Wake me up _Wake me up inside  
****_I can't wake up _Wake me up inside  
****_Save me _Call my name and save me from the dark  
****_Wake me up_ Bid my blood to run  
****_I can't wake up_ Before I come undone  
****_Save me_ Save me from the nothing I've become **

Spike needed Julia. He couldn't let her go, since he felt that she was a part of him, but most importantly, he was still in love with her, even after all the time that he'd been away from her. She awoke something inside him that he didn't know existed. When he was with her, he felt truly alive. He knew Julia felt the same way every time he felt her embrace, kissed her delicate lips, looked into her beautiful eyes. He remembered the night they spent at her apartment, that endless night that made him truly feel, almost as if it were yesterday. After that passionate night of lovemaking, she had fallen asleep on his chest, giving him a sense of comfort and a clear grasp of what love is. He had held her close, soon falling asleep and dreaming as well, feeling true happiness for the first time in his life. Julia had awakened his soul so long ago, and now it was in chains. He needed her to unlock it so that he could be happy again. He needed her by his side.

_I wonder where she is now . . . Probably still on Mars. I wish I could contact her, but Vicious could hurt her. No, he _WOULD_ hurt her. I don't want her to be dead . . . God, why did I leave? I should have killed Vicious when I had the chance._

**Now that I know what I'm without  
****You can't just leave me  
****Breathe into me and make me real  
****Bring me to life **

**CHORUS  
****_Wake me up _Wake me up inside  
****_I can't wake up _Wake me up inside  
****_Save me _Call my name and save me from the dark  
****_Wake me up_ Bid my blood to run  
****_I can't wake up_ Before I come undone  
****_Save me_ Save me from the nothing I've become **

**I've been living a lie . . . There's nothing inside  
****Bring me to life **

Julia was out there waiting for him. There was no doubt about it in his mind. Spike sat up, trying to figure out where he would be able to find her. Suddenly, Ed and Ein jumped over the couch and nearly knocked him out. He glared at the pair angrily and cursed silently.

"What's going on out there?" Jet yelled from the bonsai room.

"It's just Ed and Ein playing another game of 'Bite Ein's Tail'," Spike replied gloomily.

_I wonder what's the matter with him? _Faye thought to herself as she walked into the common room, catching the tail end of Spike's reply. She watched him get up slowly from the couch and mutter to himself. Shrugging, she strutted to the fridge.

Spike glanced at her, and then returned to his brooding. He headed to the shower, hoping that it would wake him up a bit, and clear up his miserable mood. He grabbed a towel from his room on the way, slogging his way slowly to the bathroom. Turning on the hot water, he jumped in, hoping to gain some insight on his thoughts. He saw Julia in his mind's eye, her long blonde hair framing her face with those ever-sad eyes gazing at him.

_Why did you have that gun? How did Vicious find out? Why, why, why did this all have to happen? _Spike hit the shower wall with his fist, angry at the way things had turned out. He sunk lower into despair, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. No one had ever made him feel that way, but then again, no one had made him feel truly happy. He quickly washed up and concluded that showers never have and never will clear up his mind. He wrapped a towel around his waist and shook out his hair. Opening his eyes in front of the small bathroom mirror, he stared at the figure staring back at him.

_What have I become?_ Heaving another sigh, he hauled himself to his room.

When he returned to his room, he glanced at a photograph of his love, and his mind drifted to that night again. _She won't ever let me go, will she? I'll find her again. _His sudden determination shocked him for a moment; he wondered if it was his soul trying to free itself.

**Frozen inside without your touch  
****Without your love, darling  
****Only you are the life among the dead**

Julia had been the spark in his life. Spike sighed and became lost in his thoughts. Or was the thought of her so enticing that he felt that he needed her again? _No, I do love her. She's been in my mind since I left. I just hadn't acknowledged it. _He may be dead, but he was alive with her. He quickly threw on some clean clothes, feeling a heavy weight disappear from his chest.

**All of this I can't believe I couldn't see  
****Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me  
****I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
****Got to open my eyes to everything**

**Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul  
****_Don't let me die here_ There must be something more  
****Bring me to life**

**CHORUS  
****_Wake me up _Wake me up inside  
****_I can't wake up _Wake me up inside  
****_Save me _Call my name and save me from the dark  
****_Wake me up_ Bid my blood to run  
****_I can't wake up_ Before I come undone  
****_Save me_ Save me from the nothing I've become **

**I've been living a lie . . . There's nothing inside  
****Bring me to life **

Spike remembered the last words he heard from her mouth before he left.

"_Remember, the cemetery. I'll always be there waiting for you. Don't ever forget."_

It was rainy that day, the day he died. _How appropriate_, he thought. He wanted her to be there by his side, living in bliss, rather than the situation that they were in now – being in the list of the Syndicate's top ten most wanted people and constantly running from Syndicate members. Granted, Spike could handle himself, but Julia was running for her life from Vicious. Spike himself was hunting for bounties of every kind, hoping to get a lucky break and find her.

_She makes me alive. That's why I need her. I'm not dead when she's with me. _It was as if he had a revolution. That simple thought had released his conscience. To celebrate his mental freedom, he decided to do a good deed for the crew.

So, he headed to the kitchen and started some "cooking".

_I hope I don't burn it up again. _He used the blow torch to light up another cigarette and pulled down his mask.


	3. The Other Woman

**Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebop** is not my property. Neither are **Radiohead**'s lyrics.

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**Chapter Three: The Other Woman**

Faye was relaxing on the old couch in the common room, resting her eyes when Ed flew by with Ein, shouting, "Faye-Faye! Ed found it! Wake up, Faye-Faye!" Ed landed in front Faye's face, dancing in place while holding Tomato still.

Faye stared at the computer screen, completely mindless of what was going on. Her eyes automatically caught sight of the reward of forty million woolongs. The dogs were already circling the racetrack in her head and she was holding all the bets on the projected winner.

"A bounty head! Did you show this to anyone else?" she inquired curiously, evaluating the individual on the fuzzy computer screen.

"No-no! Ed thought that Faye-Faye should look at it first!" Ed replied in her sing-song voice. "Ed knows Faye-Faye likes woolongs!" Faye continued reading the information, noting that the man was part of the Dragon Head Syndicate. He was an assassin for the group, but that wasn't going to stop her from going after him, no matter how dangerous he seemed to be. The money was what mattered. Her trance was disturbed by Spike's smooth footsteps echoing down the stairs. She dismissed them and continued to study the appearance of the man, formulating a plan as she scanned the bounty's information. Spike suddenly popped up next to her, staring at the screen with equal intensity. He was so close to her that she could feel the warmth radiating from his face. He smelled like a mixture of burnt food and old cologne, which strangely caught Faye's attention. She stopped focusing on the bounty and instead, her mind conjured up images of her in Spike's arms.

_Oh, no. I can't think of him that way; I won't! He's just a lunkhead – an arrogant, self-absorbed, brooding bounty hunter with one of the most sarcastic and dispirited attitudes I've ever seen. But this isn't supposed to happen. Why can't I get him out of my head? _She shivered at those thoughts.

"Something wrong, Faye?" Spike asked sarcastically. Faye glanced at him with faux disgust and shook her head.

"Just that you're in my light, lunkhead," she replied with equal sarcasm. She returned to the flashing screen, pretending to study the bounty. But she couldn't shake the thoughts in her head that told her she was attracted to this man.

"Hmm, this guy seems familiar . . . I remember now. He's the top gunman of the Dragon Head Syndicate and he's pretty dangerous. I've fought against him before and I've found that he's good at _almost_ kicking my ass. I don't think you should go for him." As soon as he spoke the last few words, he clamped his jaw down. _Why did I warn her? Do I even care? Maybe it's because she owes us money, and she might get killed trying to get this guy . . . _Since Faye Valentine had joined the Bebop crew, Spike had a new addition to his list of things he hates – women with attitudes. He had discovered that her personality was atypical compared to other women. But he didn't have a reason at all for cautioning Ms. Poker Alice against catching the bounty head. He looked over at her and was met with a second dose of disgust.

"What do you know? I can damn well handle myself!" Faye responded. Spike shrugged and tried to analyze his own reaction to her initial ambition.

_Nah, I don't care about her at all . . . Or maybe it's just my care for her because she's a woman . . . that made me say those words . . . since she's been on the ship for so long?_ Spike tried to think of reasons to justify his words, but he was unable to come up with a good reason. He loved Julia; he loved her with his entire being. But it had been three long years – three years of locked up emotions that were attempting to escape from his control. He would find her before killing Vicious, but he suddenly couldn't get this attractive, violet-haired, green-eyed woman out of his head. For the first time in his life, Spike Spiegel was confused.

After what seemed like an eternity, Faye stood up. Draping her red jacket on her elbows, she sauntered over to the refrigerator with a triumphant smile, partially hoping to catch Spike's attention, mostly hoping that there was something to eat.

_Maybe I'm hungry. I mean, I haven't thought about him like that in a while . . . _Her mind drifted, but when she opened the fridge door and saw nothing on the shelves, she threw a fit.

"_Augh_, why do we never have food!" She slammed the door and glared at her companions.

"Don't get all haughty on us and complain again, Faye! You know we **never** have food around here! Catch some larger bounty heads, will ya? And maybe you can start paying back your debt, too," Jet called loudly from his bonsai room.

"I would, Jet, if my _father_ would stop telling me what to do!" Faye responded with false anger, putting on her 'woman-with-an-attitude' mask. "I'm going to hunt down that bounty head and take myself to a fancy restaurant and to the racetracks. And after a shopping spree, _MAYBE _I'll think about repaying you back. See you and this lunkhead later." She strutted down the hall, her heels clicking against the metal floor plates. Spike took his spot on the couch, glaring at her swaying figure.

"Jet, open up the hatch! I'm going out!" she ordered as she proceeded to her Redtail.

"I swear that woman will be the death of me, always ordering me around as if I were her slave!" Jet muttered to himself. He got up, taking his attention away from his treasured bonsai trees. "If you aren't polite next time, I won't do what you ask, Faye!"

"Just do it! I don't have time for your business!" A minute later, the engines of her Redtail started up and she blasted off the ship.

"That woman is gonna be the death of me!" Jet mumbled.

"Whatever," Spike mumbled after the noise, laying on the couch for another nap. _What am I doing? I haven't ever stopped loving Julia. What's so great about Faye Valentine anyway? _He couldn't shake the possibility that he was attracted to that arrogant woman. He closed his eyes, seeing both the blonde-haired Julia and the vivacious Faye in his mind's eye, and hoped he would finally wake up with a clear head. Just as he was about to fall asleep, Ed catapulted over the couch with Ein on her heels, singing a song about Ramen noodles.

_Ugh. All I want is some sleep, and the kid and the dog won't leave me alone. And that woman. _BOTH _women. _He finally drifted off, weighing Julia and Faye on a scale in his dream.

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_There's a gap in between  
__There's a gap where we meet  
__Where I end and you begin  
__I am up in the clouds_

"Where I End and You Begin" by Radiohead, _Hail to the Thief_, 2003


	4. Lucky Strike

**Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebop** is not mine.

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**Chapter Four: Lucky Strike**

The voice communicator beeped impatiently with an incoming message, but there was no one on the Bebop to answer it.

_Ugh, at the most inconvenient time. They're useless!_ Faye thought to herself as she incessantly called Edward's communicator. She was about to give up after ten minutes, when her screen was suddenly filled with an eye.

"EIN!" On the receiving end, Ein retreated, clearly surprised at the response he received. He'd only pressed the green button to make the noise stop. Ein trotted back to the communicator and stared at an angry Faye.

"Ein, be a good dog and go get Ed." Ein barked an agreement, and not long after, an overexcited Edward catapulted over the railing, sprung off a chair, and landed nearly on top of the communicator.

"Hiiiii, Faye-Faye! What does Faye-Faye want?"

"Send me any information you can get on the location of the Dragon Head Syndicate, along with other information about the bounty head. And anyone who's connected to him," Faye requested. Ed put on her goggles, initiating a search and loading up the pages. Within a few minutes, Ed had as much information on the bounty as the ISSP did.

"Ed's sending the bad man's information to Faye-Faye! Bring home some yum-yums for Ed!"

"Yeah, right," Faye replied before disconnecting the communicatorr link. She turned on her autopilot and set a steady course for Mars, where the Syndicate headquarters was located. Bringing up the results on her main screen, she carefully examined the information again:

**ID: **D321986WM  
**Name: **Fjodor Vladisen  
**Age: **35  
**Height: **6 feet 3 inches  
**Weight: **330 lbs.  
**DOMI: **Mars  
**Record: **Murderer  
**Status: **Still at large  
**Reward: **W 40,000,000  
**Location of known headquarters: **Rampage, Mars, NW  
**Other: **Fjodor Vladisen, codenamed Doom, is known as the top assassin for the Dragon Head Syndicate. He has evaded capture several times to date, and the number of lives he has taken amounts to four thousand. He must be captured, dead or alive, in order to receive the reward.

An exhaustive list of Doom's victims was located beneath the general information. His connections were listed along with a public list of people the man was after. Spike's name was fifth on the list.

_Hmm, no wonder why that lunkhead didn't want me to go after this guy! He's being chased by a fat man! _Faye couldn't help giggling at the thought, but she wasn't going to let her guard down. She typed in the coordinates for the headquarters and set her ship to autopilot as she drew up a plan.

_Well, I'm gonna get this one. And maybe if I'm in a good mood, I'll give some food to those saps back on the Bebop._

* * *

"Doom, I have the ship in my sight. Would you like for me to destroy it?"

"No." A heavy-set man reclined in a large, black, leather chair, elbows resting on the armrests and hands steepled under his chin. He glanced at the communicator screen, which transferred the image of a masked man, one of his henchmen on his daily rounds of Mars. The corners of Doom's mouth turned up slightly, and a glint in his eye appeared. "You know what I like to do to 'guests.' That was an ignorant question to ask." His reply clearly frightened the henchman, as his eyes went wide at the latter comment. Doom leaned forward in his seat to give the henchman a screen full of his face. "Come back to base to receive your punishment. You should be careful not to be so ignorant again."

"Yes, Doom," the henchman replied pitifully. Doom turned the communicator screen off, chuckling to himself. _Ah, why do I surround myself with fools? _Brushing away the incident, he turned his concentration to the next problem. Using a personal satellite, he scanned the skies for a ship with coordinates to his headquarters, finding it quite fast. He concluded that the ship belonged to a bounty hunter; those foolish enough to hunt him down rarely escaped his wrath. Only a scarce few managed to flee with their lives, but they were placed on a list of people that he would eventually take care of. The recent increase of bounty hunters seeking Doom had enraged him, and now this next bounty hunter would receive his fist directly. He created a plan and laughed at the torture and pain that he would inflict.

_Ah, my new toy. I can't wait to try it out. _

* * *

"Autopilot malfunction. Reverting to manual controls." The message suddenly flashed across Faye's main visual screen, catching her attention. She bolted upright and swore at her ship, sliding her hands and feet into the controls.

"Damn ship. Why can't Jet ever fix this thing right?" Looking through the glass, she noticed that she was getting closer to Rampage. The city was enveloped by swirling storm clouds, reflecting sickening colors upon the buildings. The buildings themselves seemed obsolete; one would think that a city so recently constructed would be updated. The streets were empty, except for the few homeless people who hid themselves in alleyways. Rampage was a desolate place to be – a perfect place for the headquarters of a Syndicate.

Faye slowed her descent, searching for a place to land that was close enough to her destination. At last, she spotted an open area where a building used to exist, and brought the Redtail to a smooth landing. The headquarters were two blocks down the road. Grabbing her Glock 30, she exited the ship quietly and walked quickly, darting from building to building to keep from being seen. All of a sudden, she ran headfirst into a man's chest. She slowly looked up and saw a silhouette of a face.

"Why, hello, little lady. What are you doing out in Rampage all alone?" The man looked down at Faye and grinned. He donned a black suit that was covered by a gray trench coat, leather gloves, and a black Fedora. His white teeth were even brighter, contrasting his appearance. "Well?"

"I'm going to a bar. You got a problem with that?" Faye retorted, hoping the man would get off her case. She retreated several steps back and evaluated the man. Pulling her leather gloves on, she flashed him a sweet smile.

"The nearest bar is about ten blocks away. It's called 'The Lady's Death.' Do you need some help getting there?" he responded. He took a step towards her.

"No. I know my way around just fine." She was hoping her arrogance would annoy the man, but he kept inching towards her. Taking several more steps back, she fell into a natural fighting stance. "And I _really_ don't have time for this." With those words, she whipped out the Glock and fired three shots at the man.

To her surprise, he dodged the shots and charged at her. Faye narrowly avoided the attack, and countered with a kick to his back. He turned quickly, grabbing at her leg, but she succeeded in landing a shot to his face. The man stumbled backwards, wiping spit and blood from his mouth. He faced her again, using a combination of brute force and speed to attack. Faye backpedaled and aimed her gun at his left leg, putting a bullet through his thigh. She shot through his right leg and shoulder as well. The man fell in pain, grasping his injuries in a futile attempt to stop the flowing blood. As he looked up, he saw a gun pointed at his face with a livid Faye holding it.

"Why the hell are you after me?" she inquired calmly, with severe undertones of anger. The man was silent. "Answer me or else I'm gonna put you out of your misery!" Seconds passed and there was still no answer. His closed his eyes, hoping to avoid another bullet hole in his body. Faye slightly lowered her gun.

"You're not worth it." She brought the butt of the gun down on the man's head as hard as she could, knocking him unconscious.

"Neither are you, Ms. Valentine. But Doom will have a good time with you." She never heard the footsteps behind her, never realized that the man she just knocked out wasn't alone. But she didn't even have to time to turn around. In an instant, all she saw was black.


	5. And I See What You've Become

**Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebop **and **Yoko Kanno**'s music is not mine.

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**  
Chapter Five: And I See What You've Become**

_He was running up the stairs, holding a machine gun in his hands. _What am I doing here? _He looked out of the corner of his eye and saw blonde hair._ Julia? What's she doing? Why does she have a gun?

_He threw his weight into the door, running onto the roof. _

"Julia, go ahead. I'm right behind you."She is so beautiful.

_He began shooting at the gunmen; there were too many of them. _I can't shoot them fast enough! FUCK! _Julia's eyes suddenly widened; he'd seen a bullet go through her back. Shooting the assailant, he ran to her side._

"JULIAAA!" _He lifted her head in the crook of his arm._

"Was life just a dream?" _ He nodded. She closed her eyes and stopped breathing. He suddenly felt something inside him die forever._

_The rain won't wash away all this blood._

_

* * *

_

Spike awoke from his nap in cold sweat. Nightmares like that one never came to him during the day; usually, they haunted him in the dark. He worried more about Julia now than ever before.

_Why do I feel like she's asked me that before?_ Spike pondered on Julia's question from his nightmare. Her questions seemed reminiscent of a past life, before things became complicated. Sitting up, he leaned forward on his knees, deep in thought, searching for the pieces of his past that he had buried so long ago. He rubbed his eyes, feeling a migraine coming on.

"Hey, Jet?"

"Yeah, Spike?" Jet answered from the bonsai room.

"Do we have any ibuprofen?" Spike readied himself for the 'See a doctor' speech. One of these days, Jet was going to stop getting up to give him the medication.

"I think it's time that you see a doctor about these constant headaches. Depending on those pills ain't gonna help you much longer."

"Yeah, right." The former ISSP officer was now the unofficial caretaker of the 'youth' on the Bebop, catering to their needs. He left his precious bonsai trees in search of the pill bottle. Minutes later, he entered the lounge area with Spike's requested items.

"Spike, you gotta take care of yourself. You're a grown man! And don't go telling me that you've got too much on your mind, because I'm the only one around here taking care of the shit that goes on!" Taking a deep breath, Jet calmed down, counting under his breath to cease his anger. He handed the medication and water over to his friend.

"Yeah, Jet. I know. But it just isn't that simple." Spike popped the two brown pills into his mouth and took a gulp of water. "Thanks." Getting up from the couch, he dragged himself to his bedroom, with a bewildered Jet staring back at him.

"I'm never gonna understand what goes on here!" Jet grumbled, heading to the control room to check on the status of their flight.

Stumbling through the door, Spike kicked off his shoes and tossed himself onto his unmade bed. He pulled out a drawer from the nightstand adjacent to his bed, and reached in for the only physical evidence that linked him to another life – a framed photo of Julia, Vicious, and himself. He stared at it, like all the other times he had before, and wondered again what life would be like if he'd met Julia without Vicious' influence, without all the pain that came along with being near her. In the photo, she stood between the two men, a smile creeping upon her lips, eyes free of unhappiness. Vicious stood on her right, with a grin on his face that would frighten children and give adults nightmares; he'd always had those heavy lines crawling down his cheeks from his eyes, betraying the little amount of sleep he lived on. On Julia's left stood Spike with a genuine smile, one rarely seen these days. What wasn't shown was Spike's hand entwined in Julia's; even Vicious hadn't noticed that when the photo was taken. The connection between Spike and Julia was forever captured within a split second, having disappeared the in the next second when the three dispersed that day, making preparations to raid a rival Syndicate. Spike relived that day in his mind, again and again until he nodded off.

* * *

"_Don't betray me." Vicious handed her the gun after he spoke those three fated words. Julia stared at him, dumbfounded, but she revealed none of the conflicting emotions that were desperately trying to escape her calm exterior. He walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind him with a quiet _click_. She was done with this mess. _

Julia recalled that scene from her memory and laughed. She could have used the gun to kill that bastard, but she was supposed to use the gun to kill Spike. In the end, she ran away, which made some things easier and other things more complicated. She regretted it, leaving the only man she truly loved, and from her regret came a dull pain that threatened to take her over. She'd gone to Callisto, one of Jupiter's moons famous for its bars (and lack of women) and drowned herself in those bars night after night. Becoming a regular at the Blue Crow, she got to know the bartenders and some of the jazz band members very well. She got particularly close to Gren Eckener, a solo saxophone player for the bar, and was staying with him. However, drowning herself in alcohol didn't do much for the memories that still plagued her. But she still did it anyway.

Grabbing a barstool closest to the stage, she relaxed. The bartender greeted her and gave her the regular drink as a starter. Julia thanked him and sunk her memories into her glass of Grateful Dead.

"Why is a beautiful woman like you sitting here with such a sad face?" Julia smiled briefly at the voice.

"You know why, Gren."

"Have you figured it out yet?"

"Do I ever give you an answer?"

"That's true," Gren said, feeling foolish for asking the same question night after night. "Well, sweetheart, I'm going up on stage in a few minutes. Do you have any requests?"

"_Blue_," she replied as she stared into his eyes. He grinned and nodded, leaving her to go on stage. The soft tune hypnotized the audience as he played. She was in a trance, watching her life with Spike go by like a movie, the corners of her mouth turning up once in awhile when she saw something happy. Gren finished the song, dragging out the finally note. Then he signaled to her.

"Tonight, Julia and I will be performing the song _Adieu_. We hope you all enjoy." Julia looked at him, shocked. She wasn't in the best state of mind to sing, but when she stepped on the stage, she remembered the lyrics. Gren began the song slowly, letting Julia join in.

**Been a fool, been a clown  
Lost my way from up and down  
And I know, yes, I know**

**And I see in your eyes  
That you really weren't surprised at me at all  
Not at all  
And I know by your smile it's you.**

**Don't care for me, don't cry  
Let's say goodbye, Adieu.  
It's time to say goodbye, I know that in time  
It will just fade away, it's time to say goodbye.**

She closed her eyes as she sang, passionately entwining each word with the tune. She couldn't help thinking about Spike, though, and about all her mistakes. There were just too many of them. But she wouldn't say goodbye. She had resolved to find him somehow, or make him come to her. And she wasn't going to back down.

**I stand alone, and watch you fade away like clouds  
High up and in the sky  
I'm strong and so cold  
As I stand alone  
Goodbye, so long, Adieu.**

She waved her past away, and put her mind towards the future. _But what if he's found someone else? I know he needs me; I can feel him every night. I need him too . . . _She felt so alone, and it was easy for her to believe that she might not have a future. She was still on Vicious' hit list, after all. But when she found Spike, she wouldn't shoot him, like she was told to; she'd run away with him and never look back. _And how am I going to find him? I have no idea where he is now! _She began to feel hopeless.

**Oh how I love you so, lost in those memories  
And now you've gone  
I feel the pain, feeling like a fool, Adieu**

**My love for you burns deep  
Inside me, so strong  
Embers of times we had  
And now I stand here, lost in a memory  
I see your face and smile.**

**Oh how I love you so, lost in those memories  
And now you've gone  
I feel the pain, feeling like a fool, Adieu**

**My love for you burns deep  
Inside me, so strong  
Embers of times we had  
And now I stand here, lost in a memory  
I see your face and smile.**

With the last word, she opened her eyes, noticing how mesmerized the crowd was. Suddenly, everyone snapped back into reality and applauded her for her performance. She smiled briefly, holding back tears of frustration and pain. Quickly striding off the stage, she returned to her drink just as her barriers fell. Downing the rest of the alcohol, she asked for more. _God, what am I doing to myself?_ After what seemed like an eternity and too many drinks, she stumbled from her barstool, waved goodbye to Gren, and started for the apartment she shared with him.

"I've got to get off this goddamned moon. It's too fucking cold and there's no one here to keep me warm," she muttered to herself as she staggered through the dim alley. Every few feet she would trip, catching herself just before she fell into the snow. Just before she reached the apartment, she did fall down. Strong arms gathered her from the ground and brought her inside.

"Spike? Is that you?" Julia mumbled, not realizing how drunk she was. She wasn't aware of what she said. "Let's run away, just you and me. Please?" Slurring her words together, she passed out.

Gren stared at the emotionally distraught woman in his arms. It suddenly occurred to him that she just gave him the answer he'd been trying to get out of her for so long.


End file.
